Guardian 5 sidestory: Postwar Pranks
by StSE
Summary: G1: Humor. In the new 'Alliance'; Sideswipe and Sunstreaker decide on a major prank on the new leadership. Things get a little carried away afterward! Stunticons, Constructicons, Combaticons, Tracks, Smokescreen, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Getting Even

**Getting Even**

**Post war Pranks 1**

_"Are you still holding a grudge?" _Sideswipe joked, looking at his frustrated

Twin. Sunstreaker always seemed to get in these fowl moods whenever Raptor decided to visit Ultra Magnus. And once he started moping around, the slogger would make every mech around him, miserable for days!

Sunstreaker looked up from his paperwork and glared at his brother. _"I am NOT holding a 'grudge', I just don't like the bitch!." _

_"Might as well get over it, wars over and they won!" _

_"That's not why I hate her, and you damn well know it!" _The gleaming mech snorted.

Sideswipe shrugged. _"Well, I'm over it, it's done and gone."_

Sunstreaker flung his work down. _"The bitch has to keep walking around, with that dull-ass, horrid military paint job! It's like she's digging in the fact that she's some kind of military dictator or something!" _

_"Hate to tell you this, but she kind've is. She is the Decepticons queen you know."_

_"Ya, but the bitch took Ultra Magnus for one of her mates – we're all supposed to be equals now!" _Sunstreaker leaned back and slammed his feet up on his desk, making a very impressive metallic clang.

_"THAT'S not what's really bothering you, is it?" _

Whipping his feet off his desk, the yellow Mech slammed his fist into it. _"No. If the bitch wants to be OUR queen too – then why does she insist on looking so damned – dull and military? She looks like she should be some low-ranking grunt on the front lines – not an Autobot queen!"_

His brother's angst for high society appearance was very well-known, and Sideswipe had gotten used to his ranting and raving about any leader of theirs who had even a scratch on their paint job. So his unofficial duties had always been to keep the bright paint of their leaders in perfect condition. _"So it's driving you nuts that she's never asked you to repaint her?" _

_"Ya, she just ain't respectable as our 'queen' the way she looks!" _He puffed in disgust.

Sideswipe was getting one of his ideas, those ideas that most of his fellow autobots tended to dread. _"Why don't we just repaint her while she's visiting?" _He asked, keeping an innocent ring to his tone.

Sunstreaker glared at him like he was a fool. _"Because she's still a 'con, and if she doesn't demand something – she doesn't want it!"_

_"But maybe she doesn't realize that she needs it?" _Sideswipe snickered.

His brother eyed him suspiciously. _"It's not like one of your jokes on a fellow Autobot – she's a decepticon and'll really drill us new tailpipes – or worse!"_

_"Naw, Ultra Magnus made the decepticon higher-ups promise not to do any major physical harm to any of us – remember? That's part of the Alliance doctrine!" _Sideswipe snickered, figuring that would protect him.

_"There's other things she could do to us.." _Sunstreaker began.

A dismissive shrug. _"Been there, done that.."_

_"You gotta point."_

_"Yep, so would THAT be worth it – to see our queen shine in bright colors?" _Sideswipe snickered deviously.

Sunstreaker thought about it. Picturing what he could do with some good paint and wax on that seeker, the smug satisfaction of seeing her like that – might just make it worth it! He glanced over at his twin, mischievous grin lighting up his face, and nodded. _"Would it be worth it to you?"_

_"I'll start working on our plan!" _Sideswipe answered cheerily, and danced out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting Even – chapter 2

**Getting Even – chapter 2**

Ultra Magnus noticed that Sideswipe seemed to get a sudden interest in being Raptor's assistant. This disturbed him a little bit, since the Lamborghini was the well-known prankster on the base. But Raptor seemed to be enjoying the Mech's company and good-natured jokes, as Sideswipe diligently helped her with the arduous tasks of paperwork and endless meetings. So Magnus was hesitant to order him to other duties.

He did try to warn Raptor about the twins, but after hearing the stories of Sideswipe's pranks, all Raptor did was laugh. _"If you remember, I was quite the prankster on your dear Rodimus. It's nice to see that there are Autobots with a sense of humor as well.." _And with a smile, she strolled off.

**Tedium of Work..**

_"Getting' bored with paperwork?" _Sideswipe asked innocently, noticing that Raptor was rubbing her helm.

_"Hmm?" _She said, looking up and rubbing her optics a bit. She leaned back and with feline grace – stretched. _"Yes, with Magnus called off, it's just been work, work and more work – it seems. Don't know how he handles it when I'm not here!"_

_"I know of a great little mech bar. You up for a drink and some poker?" _ He laughed.

She smiled, trusting the charismatic Autobot completely. _"Yes, it's been a rather long time since I've had the chance to unwind. Why don't we invite a couple others – have a full card table?"_

_"Sure thing and I know some Mechs that are real good at poker!" _He said with a wink.

**Night on the Town..**

They were joined by Sunstreaker and Jazz, and with Raptor following in the sky, they all went off base for some down time.

_"Mmmm, this energon's very good! Doesn't burn going down like decepticon brew!" _Raptor exclaimed as she downed another one. Then she looked at her poker partners with a serious expression. _"Guess I should be careful, he, he, I've still got to fly myself home.."_

_"Nah, the Airialbots are assigned to this sector. We can always get Silverbolt to give you a lift!" _Sideswipe joked.

Sunstreaker snorted. _"Just hope you're not afraid of low-altitude flying!"_

_"Yep he goes with the flow – low 'n slow!" _Jazz agreed.

With jokes about her 'sober ride', Raptor continued to put the drinks down. Finally, so happy she could let her guard down and have fun with the Autobots under her rule!

**Hangover..**

The over-energized cloud finally lifted, and Raptor groggily tried to remember what she'd done the night before. She did remember losing rather badly to Jazz, but hey, that's just how poker goes.. The ride that Silverbolt gave her was somewhat clear, she remembered how close the damned earth was and being afraid they'd crash into a power line!

Yes, the night had been fun! Made her feel almost 'human' again to have gotten plastered in the company of friends.

She slowly stood up, noticing her optics seemed a bit off on their color spectrum. But heck, as much as she had the night before – a lot of systems would be slightly off! So she shrugged it off, figuring it'd all straighten out by mid-day.

Strolling down the halls on her way to the command center, she ran into Tracks. His blue optics got very large and he looked at her rather approvingly. _"You look absolutely stunning, Raptor!" _ Then he nodded and went on his way.

She rolled her optics; these Autobots were really trying their best to make the Alliance work! _Guess, they were so sick of war, they're eager to be friendly with any queen – regardless of her insignia!_

She passed by central communications, Kup turning his head to the sound of her footsteps. As he saw her, a big smile lit up the old timer's face. _"Glad to see your starting to blend in!" _He declared. She just nodded and kept on her way, figuring the base was like a small town; and everyone had heard about her 'poker night'.

Entering the command center, she sat down at the table and waited for the night command to report. Blaster and Perceptor wandered in, looking at her, they both got big-optic expressions of amazement.

She leaned back, still hung-over and with off-kilter optics – _"Do I look that bad?" _She joked; figuring her night of drinking must've taken a bit of a toll.

The two officers looked at each other. _"Um, no, just a little different." _Perceptor stammered.

Blaster smiled in his jovial way. _"This new look truly suits you – not even the Spice girls could outshine you!" _

_"New look?" _Raptor questioned, and then she looked down, realizing it wasn't her optics that were off-kilter – her body was a new color! _"What the hell!?" _She jumped to her thrusters and stomped to the full-length windows, looking at her reflection in the glass.

She was still camouflaged, but now it was in a Fuchsia, white and chrome color scheme, with a finish that shimmered like a mirror! And where her prominent decepticon insignia had been, were laser-cut insignias which changed from Autobot to Decepticon depending on the angle viewed from.

Blaster and Perceptor looked at each other, and then swiftly vacated the premises, before she blew!


	3. Chapter 3

Getting Even – 3

**Getting Even – 3**

_"So where is she now?" _Ultra Magnus asked as he got off the shuttle.

_"After she destroyed the meeting room, I believe she stormed down to one of the training buildings. She was in an extremely agitated state." _Perceptor replied. _"We are repairing the meeting room now, shouldn't take us terribly long."_

_"I'll bet she was in an agitated state." _Ultra Magnus mumbled to himself, he was not looking forward to this, but as her official Autobot 'mate' – he had to. _"So how bad DOES she look?" _He asked Kup.

_"Don't tell her I said this, but she looks better than she ever has!" _The old timer grinned. _"But you better be careful with her, you know females just don't….."_

_"Don't worry, I can handle it." _The big Mech said, cutting Kup off before he could go into one of his, rather long, meaningless stories.

**Pranking a Prankster..**

He could hear her long before he arrived at the door to training building #5. From the sounds of it, she had one of the holograph balls set on its highest settings, and was in the middle of some rather intense sparring with it. Sliding the door open as quietly as he could, he slid in.

She was practicing her roundhouse kicks and spins with her back turned to him. Ultra Magnus had to admit that Kup was right, she was rather striking with the Fuschia and Chrome reflecting the light in dancing waves as she practiced. As she turned toward him, he swiftly concealed his smile.

Practicing several fast strikes, _"So, go ahead and say it!" _She snarled.

_"Say what?"_

She blocked, spun, side kicked; _"Say 'I told you so!' – Go on, Say it!"_

_"Well, I did warn you about them." _He replied, keeping his cool and leaning casually against the wall.

Flip, strike, block, kick.. _"I'll give you that. The sneaky, conniving, little conmechs!" _

_"We've been dealing with their pranks for years. It doesn't get any better, no matter what you do to them." _

She was finally exhausting her energy reserves, so she stopped the hologram and sat down with a huff. Magnus sitting down next to her, offering her an energon cube.

He could tell she was still ticked off, but at least she was calming down.

Then, strangely, Raptor began to laugh. Her laughter built on itself, until she was laying on her side, almost in convulsions. Then she slowly collected herself, sat up and took his offered cube.

She looked sideways at him, a smirk crossing her face. _"You know, I've got to give it to those two." _She began.

_"Why?"_

_"Because they're the first Mechs to ever pull a fast one on me!" _She chuckled.

_"So what are you going to do to them?"_

_"First they're going to repaint me." _She snickered.

_"Then what?"_

_"Then they'll learn what it means to prank a prankster!" _A mischievous grin spread across her face.

Ultra Magnus studied her carefully; she was getting a look similar to the one that Sideswipe tended to get. A feeling of dread came over him. _"Now, you're not going to do anything extreme are you?"_

She gave him an innocent look. _"Me? Naw!"_

A sinking feeling hit his power core. That same feeling he got when it was obvious to everyone that Sideswipe was up to something – but no one could figure it out until it was too late. He wished he could transfer to another post for a while, since he just knew that these three were going to drive him nuts!


	4. Chapter 4

Getting Even – 4

**Getting Even – 4**

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had high-tailed it out of the base before Raptor had even woken up, and several days of searching hadn't located them yet. Strangely, Raptor didn't seem worried about this fact; she was occupied in planning something.

Strangely, Swindle and Onslaught were suddenly transferred to the Earth base. When he queried Cyclonus about this, the Decepticon leader just cocked his head in bemusement, shrugged his shoulders and said simply: _"Raptor requested their transfer." _The big mech was one of few words and even fewer questions, so Magnus figured the 'con really didn't know anything, or for that matter, had even cared.

Ultra Magnus watched suspiciously, as once again, Tracks came to play poker with Raptor. They were again joined by Swindle and Onslaught – the four of them talking and joking in conspiratorial tones. But every time Magnus came in, they hushed up and just smirked at each other. He'd look at each one of them, very aware of the fact that these two cons were probably the most intelligent and deviously minded planners that the decepticons ever had – which made the dread within him grow even bigger!

He tried to get Tracks to come clean as to their plans. But the mech would merely say, _"Planning a new exquisite paint job, that's all." _But the big grin spreading across the mech's red face clearly indicated that much more was underfoot. And knowing how much animosity there was between Tracks and the twins, he dreaded what the red face might agree to do to them.

In frustration, he tried to bribe Swindle into letting him in on it. The smaller mech quickly extracted quite a bit of credits from Ultra Magnus, his greed seeming to get the best of him, then answered the Autobot's question. _"Eh, just planning an intricate paint job. That's all." _Then he shrugged and went on his way. With Magnus silently fuming that he had been conned by the mech!

**Twins Located..**

Eventually, they found the twins and dragged them back to the base.

_"Looken' good Raptor!" _Sideswipe cheerily complemented her, keeping an innocent look on his face.

Sunstreaker smiled, figuring he'd get what was coming to him anyway. _"That wax job is absolutely flawless! I must say, whoever did it was quiet talented."_

"_The new color scheme is quite flashy, I must say!" _Sideswipe joked.

His twin's shoulders shook with silent laughter at that line. The Fuchsia/Chrome Seeker studied each of them intently.

_"First thing you two are going to do – is repaint me." _Raptor began. Then she smiled as she noticed the jovial looks going between the brothers. _"And my personal designer is going to supervise every second." _Did she notice a bemused look passing?

"_Tracks, come here and show our painters what you want them to do." _ Sunstreaker quietly huffed in disgust, as did his brother. Neither one of them liking the idea of Tracks being their supervisor. And Tracks loving every minute of it!

As the twins began their supervised work, Swindle and Onslaught slipped off the base. Only Ultra Magnus noticing their disappearance.

**Raptor's New Paint Job**

For several days, the twins were forced to work under the constant supervision of Tracks. Who quite enjoyed making them constantly redo their work because it wasn't 'perfect'. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe grumbled as they had to buff and rebuff already gleaming panels – but Ultra Magnus would just come in and remind them that it could be worse.

Finally, their 'Track's Torture' was over, and the obnoxious red face finally said their work was finished.

Everyone on base had been waiting to see what kind of custom work that Tracks had come up with for Raptor. So even those that were off shift, came up with a reason to come through the command center to look at her.

All of her fuselage which would be on her underside in jet mode, had been restored to the original dull gray/green Camo of the Marines. Those areas which would be on the topside were in a similar camouflaged pattern, but with more contrasting Black and deep Green – with a mirror shine. Those areas that were only visible in robot mode had been painted a high gloss black or Chrome. With her helm being a base of the Black, with Chrome striping down the center and sides. She and Tracks had decided to keep the laser-cut changing insignias on her wings.

Most on the base approved of the new look. They all understood that she had managed to keep her radar-absorbing ability – but at least now had some 'autobot class' with the shine and contrast. Ultra Magnus was quite impressed that Tracks had talked her into keeping the dual insignias.

So while Sunstreaker still huffed at her dark appearance, at least it was better than her original!

**Future Plans..**

"_So are you done with them?" _Magnus asked her that evening.

She snickered. _"You should've heard them grumbling, taking orders from Tracks!"_

"_Yes, that was a good idea. Making them take orders from a mech they've played so many pranks on." _He agreed, realizing she was avoiding his question.

Leaning back in her chair, Raptor smiled. _"I'm thinking that we need to do some activities which will make the human population a little more thrilled to have us around."_

_Now she was completely changing the subject. _Magnus sighed. _"So just what 'activities' are you considering?"_

"_Hmm, the humans love their NASCAR, so why not have a Transformer 'pre-race' Race at one of their events? Let some of our faster Mechs enjoy some peaceful competition against each other?" _Her optics shined with excitement.

Magnus eyed her, knowing that the twins would most definitely be included in that group of Mechs. _"So, just how are you going to convince the humans to let us race?"_

"_Mmmm, Onslaught and Swindle have already worked that one out." _

"_Which race?"_

"_Talladega" _

_Great! That was only a few weeks away! _Magnus thought. _"So which cons are you going to invite?"_

"_Mmmm, figured Drag Strip, Break Down, Deadend and Wildrider; would be the most suitable." _She answered, keeping her expression thoughtful.

The wave of dread hit him again, the stunticons were well known for causing absolute chaos during a race! _"So which bots?" _He asked, though he already knew.

Keeping her 'poker face' she pretended to consider this question. _"I would say that Bluestreak, Jazz, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker; would make an even match outt've things. Wouldn't you?"_

A sinking feeling hit his primary power core. Ultra Magnus knew Raptor wasn't quite done with the twins yet…..


	5. Chapter 5

Getting Even – part 5

**Getting Even – part 5**

**Preparations..**

More decepticons were reassigned to the earth base to help Raptor get everything ready for their publicity event. Ultra Magnus watched them closely, just knowing that something besides just a 'publicity event' was going on!

Hook and Scrapper were working on some new type of 'cameras' which Raptor informed him would be installed on Vortex, who would be in the air during the entire pre-race. Supposedly, these cameras would link directly to the Autobot satellites which would beam the live footage straight to Cybertron.

Along with this, Raptor began training flights with Dirge, Ramjet, Thrust and Starscream – choreographing a rather impressive ten minute air show with the Aeriobots.

Interestingly, Tracks and Smokescreen had begun to hang together, constantly going into the city for some 'nightlife' and 'gambling' action. Many times they were joined by Swindle and Onslaught.

Invitations went out, and soon, most of the higher-ups of both 'cons and 'bots – were in transit to attend the show.

**Race Day..**

The weather was perfect as one hundred thousand NASCAR fans filled the venue. Their cheers were deafening as the Transformer 'observers' made their way to their designated seating area in the center field.

Ultra Magnus sat with Cyclonus on one side – to show Alliance unity – and Optimus Prime on his other side. Leaning over Cyclonus observed; _"Raptor has chosen an impressive venue for this publicity event."_

"_Yes, she does have a mind for maximal impact." _Magnus nodded.

Optimus leaned over and whispered. _"So you still think she's up to something with the twins?" _For he and his old friend had discussed the situation at length the night before. Prime was just glad that it was Magnus's problem – not his!

"_I guarantee it!" _The big blue commander whispered back.

Optimus nodded, his smile hidden behind his mask.

The three of them didn't notice that two very distinct groups of young humans were being directed to sit on either side of the Transformers' seating area. Most of these humans were males, in their late teens to early twenties, covered in gang tattoos; with one group wearing red bandanna's the other group wearing blue. Tracks and Swindle stayed with one group, snickering and joking; while Smokescreen and Onslaught were hanging out with the other group. In front of each group, was a taped off area, apparently for chopper landing.

**Let the Show Begin!**

At 9 am sharp, the sounds of jet engines rumbled over the stands. Flying low and in a V formation, the Seeker Squadron did a flyby, different colored smoke coming off their contrails. From the other direction, the Aeriobots were performing the same maneuver. As they passed in the middle, all the jets went into a vertical fan formation, with each bot pairing with a con. They went straight up for a few hundred feet, then each pair peeling off from each other into a loop. Over the infield they hit the bottom of their loops and reformed back into their original squadrons. Turning in tight formation, they zoomed around the venue, again, meeting in the center. This time, they went into synchronized vertical stalls, transformed, and completed smooth flips, landing together on the ground.

The crowd went wild!

As the other jets found their seats, Raptor stood up in front of the crowd. _"What do ya'll say? Let the fun begin!" _Her musical voice resonating over the loud speakers.

With that, the eight competitors of the pre-race lined up for the signal. Gunning their engines and taunting each other. Then the flag went down, black smoke and the smell of burnt rubber filled the air, as they smoked their tires and flew down the track.

They were in a mere 200 mile race, and with speeds approaching 150+ mph, the crowd was enthralled.

Vortex flew low over them, keeping the cameras rolling. Unbeknownst to those not 'in on' the coming prank, Hook and Scrapper had also rebuilt the decepticon 'disrupter ray', and Vortex made sure that only the twins drove though it's invisible beam; Thus, locking them into their vehicle modes.

Flying around the final lap, Bluestreak and Drag Strip were hood to hood, leading to a photo finish. With Drag Strip winning by a mere 2"!

**Captive!**

As the competitors slowed down, the twins realized in shock, that they couldn't transform. Tracks, Swindle, Smokescreen and Onslaught were running towards them – and the twins figured that their comrades were coming to help them.

Suddenly, both twins were hefted off the ground. Tracks and Swindle carrying Sunstreaker over to their marked off area, and Smokescreen and Onslaught carrying Sideswipe over to theirs. Both of the 'captives' cussed and pleaded with their friends to let them go – met by much snickering from both con and bot.

**Uninvolved..**

Ultra Magnus, Cyclonus and Optimus all looked at each other in confusion. Magnus started to get up, but the other two stopped him. _"The twins are getting their just rewards." _Prime mumbled.

Cyclonus nodded his agreement. _"Indeed. Raptor has made this into a 'joint operation' hasn't she?"_

Magnus grudgingly sat back down. _"I guess Alliance doctrine isn't going to be breached, since Tracks and Smokescreen are obviously involved!"_

So the three leaders motioned for all the Transformers to stay out of it. Though every mech and human were watching with interest.

**Gang Competition..**

Raptor again stood and addressed the crowd. _"We have a little 'side' competition for your enjoyment! Today, we have the best 'painters' from both Crypts and Bloods. And with our Autobot 'volunteers' – we are going to see which gang can create the most intricate 'paint job' within 30 minutes!" _A rather devious smile crossed her face, as she turned and watched the 'competition'.

With that, the groups of gang members pulled out their spray paint cans and approached the two helpless Lamborghini's, whom were held in place by their con and bot captors.

A low rumble of laughter started to build among the Autobots in the stands, at first, some of the decepticons weren't sure of what was going on, but quiet whispers from the bots concerning the history of the twins, made the cons join in with their snickers.

Ultra Magnus felt his old friend shaking slightly with silent laughter. He looked over at Prime, who was having a harder and harder time trying to look dignified. For he himself had been targeted numerous times by the twins in the past.

Cyclonus watched the rapidly changing paint jobs with cool interest. _"So I'm to assume that the majority of your autobots are supporting this?"_

Finally, Magnus couldn't keep back a chuckle. _"Yes, Raptor and her cohorts have really gotten the twins where it hurts! I've got to give it to them!"_

"_I'm not staying around the base their assigned to for a while." _Optimus laughed.

"_Yep, Sunstreaker is going to be one grumpy slogger until he gets repainted!" _Rodimus chimed in. _"More power to you, Magnus!"_

"_We'll keep some pictures and video around; remind those two what happens when they mess with a 'con!" _Kup laughed from behind them. Several other Autobots joining in.


End file.
